I was chatting to a friend yesterday about my identity on the internet and how the theme of the majority of my content is: diets, eating disorder recovery, body positivity and mental health. I really enjoy writing about these things because they are all things I have struggled with in the past (and still struggle with) and I love being able to help others as they find their way through the shit storm of diet culture. However, I’ve also been thinking about how useful this is for my own progress. Sure, I can talk about these things until the cows come home but is keeping myself centred in these topics going to be detrimental to my own journey in the long run? Is being an inspiration to others worth it, if I’m not being an inspiration to myself? I want to help others shift their focus from diet mentality to fulfilling their potential as badass humans but am I giving myself that opportunity if it’s at the forefront of everything I do? What I’m trying to say is that I’m worried that by consuming my life in this, I’m preventing myself from thriving. I feel like I’m in a good place with food and my body and I need to decide what direction I’m going in with my Instagram and blog. Things change and my account was once a place of food worship, then it become a personal diary as I struggled through many a diet and then I spoke more about the negative effects of this and then I started helping others who were struggling and then.. what next? I am running out of ideas of new messages to spread and I worry that writing ‘I hate diets’ 100x might not cut it. Is this the best thing for me to be doing?
I am more than the girl who went on a million diets before realising they were all bullshit. I am more than the girl who posts photos of her body as she learns about accepting and loving herself. I am more than alice and peanut butter. I’ve been thinking about what I wanted to write about this week and I didn’t feel fired up to write about anything that falls under my usual themes so I’m not going to. In fact, I’m going to stop myself mentioning the following buzz words from here on in: diets, recovery, mental health and body positivity. Instead I’m going to tell you a few things about me. You lucky things.
- I live in Bristol in a one bedroom flat with my long suffering boyfriend, Samir, who is chill and calm and is the perfect remedy to my constant energy and ridiculous yes man attitude. I think if I didn’t have him, my brain would probably have actually exploded by now.
- I am one of three children, and my brother and sister are both older. My sister is expecting a baby next month!
- I moved to Bristol when I came to University here 8 years ago and fell in love with the city and so never left. At University I studied drama and creative writing because I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and acting is fun.
- I now work three days a week as the events co-ordinator for an arts charity based in an old fire station building. The charity works with vulnerable young people in the city to unlock their potential and to fund the charity’s work we hire out the building for events. There’s a real life fireman’s pole in the stationary cupboard. When I’m not there..
- I run my own business called the Bristol Food Tour with my friend Jo and it’s really great. We take people on foodie adventures to visit hidden independent gems in Bristol and try loads of amazing food. The business is growing in ways I never thought possible and from it, I get to do super cool things like tell fancy chefs what I think of their menu ideas and collaborate on events where you get to drink gin and call it work.
- I really like going for walks with a podcast and my faves are: the Guilty Feminist, MOHPOD and Scummy mummies. I also absolutely love true crime and if you do too, go and listen to Serial.
- I have a on/off fling with reading. Sometimes I love it and sometimes I hate it. I think I just have to be in the right frame of mind and if I’m not enjoying a book e.g. find my brain wondering to my weekend plans, what I said at work today which might of annoyed someone but probably didn’t or ranking my fave peanut butters I still feel like I want to finish it just to see what happens, even though I don’t care, which makes it really dull. This is what is happening right now but I’ve almost finished it, thank you Jesus.
- I once met Natasha Bedingfield in a public loo. More impressively perhaps, I’ve also met David Tennant (when I was an extra in the first series of Broadchurch) and Benedict Cumberbatch (who whilst I agree looks like an otter, is also a megababe)
- The album I have listened to the most is by Ibeyi and I have no idea why they are still playing small venues because they are world class. Fun fact, the last time we went to see them I drank a bottle of hooch so fast that I fainted. Classy.
- I once broke my arm in two places from falling off a chair in Homebase and had to have lengthy surgery to re-position my arm again. Now when the weather goes through a big change my arm aches so I basically have weather predicting super powers.
- I love gin, preferably with an elderflower tonic and I hate coffee, in any forms.
- I squeel loudly whenever I see a french bulldog and make no attempts to remain calm. They’re so cute – see top pic for proof if you really need persuading.
- I once spent a week trekking across the Great wall of China.
- I get really annoyed when people walk slowly in front of me, stop at the top of escalators or in the middle of the pavement for a chat. I get full on road rage and I’m working on it!
- I really like chocolate but I don’t like chocolate ice-cream and I have no idea why. I’d also choose a classic victoria sponge over a chocolate mega cake any day. I know how ridiculous this is and I hate myself for it.
I don’t really know what is going to happen from here. Sure, I’m always up for a rant about dress sizes and the pressures on women to be small but I also want to share a pic of a cute dog or a funny meme if I feel like it, you know what I mean? That being said, I am super fired up for the podcast I’ll be making this year with Cait because we’re going to meeting loads of gals to talk about our relationship with our bodies and how we can be better allies to each other. It’s going to be really exciting and if you want to be involved then send us an email to firstname.lastname@example.org because we can’t make it happen without people to talk to and although I find me and Cait trés amusing, you might get bored of just hearing us ramble on about the perks of living a life centred on bread.